Journey to the center of Subway waste-box

Last year was better with not so many humiliating occasions. But this year is just too bad. And the saddest thing is it's just February. By the way I love February for the fact that it has less days, but same salary... May be they should have many more Februaries every year and no leap years ever.

Was I spoiled by the people who always took care of my carelessness? Who used to say "Write the answer for that last question, why you left that? - Teachers at exam halls" "Amal, your mobile is on the table pick it up" and many many of these. I don't know but I tried my best to avoid these things from happening.

I eat Subway for lunch these days so that I don't put so much of weight ;-). And like that today I was in Subway at Wallace Garder 2nd Street. You bet, those Subway guys might mostly not forget this stupid me for the rest of their life. Not just them, the guests there too..

Going to the ATM is last thing I want to do, so I pay with my card at every possible occasions. And today I payed my bill and they gave back the the credit card. Being so hungry I just left the card in the tray and ate my sub. My memory is so damn short-term. I can't just figure out why but even if I think I must remember something, I cannot.

Ate the sandwich and then to show off as a good guy I took that tray and dumped the waste to that box where they wrote don't put the tray inside. Hell, right when I'm dumping I see my credit card going with that mustard sauce drops and with some left out capsicums to the waste box.

And to hell with it, I don't know where did that stupid reflex come from... I damn put my hand inside the waste box through that hole to pick up the card but still no luck. I've no clue for this silly thing, why the entire people sitting there is looking me like an Alien.

Huh! That Platinum HDFC card which I must say went to the best place that it could, had to be retrieved back. Of no choice I called the Subway guy and they asked me to wait. They opened the box, and there it is! My platinum card with some mustard and south west sauce!

Trust me, I wont do it again! I asked the subway guys, please change that sticker from "Dont dump the tray inside" to 'Dont dump your credit card inside". But sweet of you subway guys! And really sorry to all who had to wait for the entire credit card retrieval process to dump their waste.

Never again god, never again....

To that chick with the Scientific Calculator!

Exam days. I'm damn lucky that BITS only let me pay twice an year, or else all my entire earnings would have gone on my supplementary exams. Oh this ever going BS... Or this never ending BS...

This educational system is something which I never understood. You pay the institute every penny they ask, and they just fail you over and over, again and again! How the damn can a business run this way?

The exam day came, and in the morning I realized that I can't find the hall ticket anywhere. And there is no printer at home. No I must say that after the last repairing stint the printer's soul is there everywhere.

So I went to the Internet Cafe and took the print out of the hall-ticket and came back home. For some innocent reason, each time I go the internet cafe the haunting memory of desibaba.com come to my mind... Oh those days ;-)


And when the exam was nearing that inner feeling came to my mind, shall I write this or shall I write the make up exam 2 weeks later... But anyway my wife decided that I'm writing the regular exam this time and the paper was DBMS. I went to the school to write the exam on Saturday afternoon.


I didn't take a calculator this time because in DBMS only math you need to do is some basic operations. And I got the question paper and I smiled at it. Like always, it never smiles back... And there was that problem in the book with some disk blocks and sectors and what not! Somebody did tell me that the valuation is liberal so if you write some junk and you might get lucky...

Kept that in my mind I thought I'll have some fun with those numbers. I still remember the biggest number in that question was some one and a half million or so. And now I need to divide it with 512. So I wrote that division thing to realize that I've forgotten how to divide with that reminder and putting something on top and all that...

Yeah, opportunity. It's everywhere. I was just waiting for it. There was a beautiful young lady sitting next to me writing her MS exam on software systems! With a smiling face I borrowed her calculator and she was quite impressed the way I borrowed it, I believe.

Now I am feeding in the calculator and the zero button in the calculator isn't giving a zero. First I pressed it soft couple of times... Then I pressed it a little harder few times and yeah, there was a little noise that time.. She just had a look at me and I gave a smile again. Damn zero is just not coming... I gave the calculator a few hits and that horrible invigilator who didn't let me use my mobile to search wiki was giving a strange look this time.

I lost all the passion on that girl who gave me this calculator without zero. I gave her back the calculator and said to her with a little attitude, there aint any zero in the calculator...

And guess what she advices "ah, you wanted zero uh? Press that . button for zero and zero button for the . " Damn, I aint study for 007 to shit with the dick and pee with the asshole... But anyway I kept cool, at-least the girl is beautiful ;-)

Now it's the testing time for Kirchhoff and Thevnin and "vm Sin omega t"... March 13th I'm giving one more stress test to electrical...

In Venus you don't need eyes, and in Mars you even need night vision!

I was lazy before I got married. And after wedding what happened? I got even more lazy. Is it the same thing that happen to every lazy guy?

After wedding it's like,

The bottles are filled with water automatically! No clue where it come from...
The home is dustless without doing anything..
That right side drawer will have the t-shirts to wear when I go out and the left side drawer will have clothes to wear at home :-)

I'm sure if you go to Venus, you don't need eyes. You can pick up anything without searching for it!

And like that one day my Venus gets a call letter from a company in Bangalore and we decide to take up the offer. And now Venus leave to Bangalore and I'm here in Chennai.

All of a sudden my home got shifted to Mars! And it's like, no drinking water at home, there is dust everywhere! There is my socks lying in every corner of my home, I get some fun in removing the socks and throwing it here and there! Every Drawer's got everything! From underwear to shirt to pant to Jean to what not...

And it was going smooth like that, and in the middle of all these shit, one day my body acts funny.. Some 102 odd number in the thermometer.. Chennai was in winter!!! And there was some odd stupid problem for my lips... Middle of the night I gets up and I know that Vaseline lipbalm in the right most side of the center column of the drawer.

So effing lazy me, gets up and go to the drawer forgetting the Mars effect, search in the dark for the vaseline tube, picks it up and tries to apply it on the lips... Why the hell nothing is coming out of the tube?

When something don't work, the first thing that come to my mind is that old radio trick.. When it's not working beat it until it work idea.. With all the anger and power I squeeze the tube and suddenly a tasteless liquid gets sprayed everywhere in my mouth and teeth and lips... Ah!

It's damn Fevicol, not the vaseline tube... I just don't know in what state of my mind I kept that Fevicol in the medical tray... Lazier me had stopped brushing in the night after Venus left! But in the middle of the night that day I promise that I brushed, gargled and even thought about washing my mouth with that Garnier face wash!

And then I realized two things...

One, In Venus you might even not need eyes... But in Mars you even need night vision!
Two, Fevicol is good for removing the nasal block, and taking down the fever. My fever went down to 99 after this mess! And my nose was wide open!

And a photo for all morons who's gonna say Fevicol and Vaseline can be touch detected uniquely...

Global warming, think out of the box! – HOW TO SAVE EARTH?

(A different analysis)

Copyright: Strictly protected, and no reuse/use of any kind without my written permission.

Did you guys ever imagine why did Copenhagen summit failed? Last two days I’ve been under lots of stress brainstorming about how we would keep our planet safe from global warming. And my efforts never failed, ask my boss! I’ve found a very clever and practical solution for it.

There is only one theory which could save us from this goddamn furious sun, even though I don’t know for what bloody reason it’s too bright recently! Let us do some study here.

Why is it so hot?

It’s very hot because of sun cycles. It means that sun doesn’t burn and produce stable temperature all the time. Occasionally burning rate goes up and down and could even have an ice age anytime. This is the key reason that everyone is missing…

And what do we do about it?

The only way to get rid of something is, by throwing it away, hiding you from it or by you moving away from it. So this leaves us three options.

1. Move the sun a few miles.

I know it’s kind of tough thing to do… Very hot a thing, even if we send a rocket it might mostly turn into plasma nearing miles from sun. And if we manage to move also, the whole solar system might collapse which might be ridiculous. Possibly this is one of the toughest option. Let’s be pessimistic here. We decide, we can’t move sun.

2. Hiding earth

Imagine if we could hide half of the sun. We need something really huge to hide sun! The only way in which we could do this might be by moving Jupiter in the middle of earth and sun and putting it in a clever axis so that it does revolve around sun at the same speed as earth do and by forming a straight line between Earth, Jupiter and Sun. I agree, it’s not easy to move Jupiter because there is a severe chance that we might hit Mars when we try to move Jupiter and even there is a serious probability that we could become a Moon of Jupiter! So let’s don’t try this either.

3. The fallback option – Move earth!

Yes, one thing we could do is to move our earth little away from sun. Isn’t it a possible idea? This could fix every problem because of sun cycles… When it’s an ice age we will go near to Venus and when we see it’s too warm we move earth near to Mars! Guys, this is the only way in which we could save our children and grandchildren. Now let us leave these sentiments and think technical here… How could we move our beautiful earth a little away from sun?

On top of my head, there are two simple practical ideas! How does a rocket carry a space craft? The same principle can be utilized to take earth to a different orbit! Now it’s just physics and Math, don’t say it’s impossible… We just need enough energy to move… Come on guys, don’t say we have no energy here, E = mc² was not just to bomb Nagasaki… It’s something which we could probably achieve in some 20-30 years of research, a rocket to adjust Earth’s orbit!

Or else what would we do? We would need someone to pull us away, isn’t it? Why wouldn’t we make a tight binding molecular substance based rope, and tie our earth to Jupiter’s Equator? It’s for sure that you are going to be dragged close to Jupiter inch by inch as Jupiter rotate! And we would just disconnect it and probably even drag back the long rope to earth and reuse it next time! Can’t we build such a tight binding molecular substance based rope in next 30 years? At least in next 50 years? Let’s be proactive here!

And now I’m sure you know what we could do when it’s too cold…

Simpler life… Better industrialization… Of course we’ll not cut Amazon, still! And no more Copenhagen!

Bullet, NO if you go home late!

---*Everything below is a fiction*---

Keeping it short, I promise. A month back a friend of mine left to France. With couple of my other friends, I went to MAA( For people who don’t know what is the code of Madras Airport, it is MAA ) to see of him off… His Emirates flight was at morning 3.30 for which he went inside airport at 2 after bidding adieu.

After that my friends dropped me at home around 3am. It’s a lady staying alone in the house opposite to mine (don’t misunderstand me here). I’m not going to describe about her like Sidney Sheldon describing females in his “different fictions with same stories”. But it’s just too hard to tell you that in my opinion she is a little pshyc( I didn’t say psych )!

Hard luck, my friend was little thirsty, so I took water and came down to road… I’m not saying a lie, but we talked for sometime about all the important things in the world like, if Telungana needs to be created or why wouldn’t India help Afghanistan by sending in military troops, or why wouldn’t our government legalize prostitution…

By this time, I saw the lights at opposite house getting turned on! I know things are going to be stupid now, and asked the guys to leave immediately! I pity that move by the neighbor, so that we couldn’t make the most worthy decision which was about legalizing prostitution, but we have already decided about Telungana and to send Indian Army to Afghanistan!

I ran back to home and slept! No almost slept, and I’m hearing some discussions and whistle from outside home which called my attention. I’m not a guy with fear who doesn’t interfere in the social issues, I ran down! There is couple of police guys there in front of the house talking to the female at opposite house, and things was very clear for me! It feels terrible to understand that you were the anti-social element that caused the police’s whistle to blow!

The police guy is asks the lady “Where did the bullet sound come from?” and she replies, “Right in front of the house, here on the road”!!! Police guy looked terrified! I’m not getting a clue why is he so worried! Then he questions me about the authenticity of the claim by the women about the Bullet sound! I said it calmly (What mistake have I done?), “Yea, 15 minutes before it was, It was my friend!” He looks like fully confused with my claim!

God, even in my dream I never thought police can be this stupid! Shit, the female called the police and told there is a bullet sound from in front of our house and police thought it was somebody firing a revolver. My dear Police guys, in India bullet is also a bike which makes heavier sound than most of the modern pistols! Before you turn on that panic button and declare emergency, think a little! They’ve run to check the bullet sound, stupidity!

I doubt if it's a question or doubt & whether it needs to be asked?

It's a great fun looking behind, but it was one of the biggest tragedies in my onsite life. Some customers are always cunning and you need to handle them with utmost care. It used to be fun working with Japanese bosses, and I remember one of the incidents forever... It used to be a decent English speaking guy who has at least 30 years of experience and my offshore was working for a project with him. Being at the offshore where I was working, I never knew the difference between doubt and a question, and so was the case with my colleagues.

Somebody sends me a question from offshore and it reads "I've a doubt about the handling the slider for zoom and scale. Is it ok to update the image while the slider is dragged to a new position and dropped?". And I ring back to the offshore straight away feeling the question is stupid enough! But a pretty senior guy shows green to ask this question to the customer and I had no other go!

Then I goes to the customer-san, the best English speaking guy at whole office may be, and asks him. Customer-san, I've a doubt! The doubt is about the slider control and blah blah blah, bang bang bang... I must say, the color of his cheeks changed to red right when I finished the question and the first response from him was "Is it a doubt or a question?". Oops! I'm really not sure what the difference between both is! But I applied my logic; his face wouldn't have turned red if it was a doubt, so maybe it was a question! With all my confidence I answered, "Customer-san, I'm sorry! I think it was a question". And I thought think ended here, I promise I didn't even wanted an answer to my question or doubt or whatever it may be. I just need to get out of this mess now and go back to desk!

When I thought it was settled and ok, there comes the second amazing question from the red customer! It was a simple question, "Do you have common sense?” And I never give up, I gently replied, I'll check it with offshore and let you know. He got the point and I got mine too!

I always knew that the zoom slider is obsolete unless it does a real time update in the image! I still don't know why I trembled to the pressure of offshore and asked such a stupid question! Later I found that they were having some technical difficulty in updating the image real-time and they fix they found was to change the requirement. Sometime it’s so crazy!

Bon jour!

Indeed it's long time since I wrote something... Reason for this long gap is just that I don't have enough time to write down the blunders I make these days... And with no more introduction let me get into the matter!

These are the days with lots of people from Europe coming for our CTC parties. And most of them are somehow French... Okey, so I have a couple of known guys in there from the French gang and I thought why don't it surprise them with a little French next time! Ones a decision reached, screw up! I'm always good in keeping my moto and more good in making sure I screw up everytime...

Keeping it short, this time it was a well party, swimming with snakes in a well of Tambaram, Chennai. As always I was there on time, just 1 hour late, for the well party with no alcohol! And in my mind I kept saying to me, you say "bon jour" to French guy you see! And I walked in to the crowd, excited to see all those friends and a gang of my known French friends standing! I was sure that is the best time to say bon jour to one of the guy! I shaked hands with one whom I'm seeing for the first time and said "bon jour!". And I expected some reply back in French but he replied to me in plain good English! "I'm German!!!" And there ended the use of unknown languages to the people whom you never met before! I'm serious, its not really easy to differentiate between French and German's by looks, especially for an Indian!

A train journey that I would never forget!

After long months of blunder less, steady and careful life a stupid blunder spoiling all the hard work. Yeah, each time when I do something foolish I decide to be a bit more careful and not to make any blunder again. But the life has always been cruel to me by setting a kind of timer in my brain which alarms at an interval to make some blunder. Chennai floods when it rains and I try to run away from this city when it’s just about to flood. Of some luck I had ticket to travel home during the weekend of recent flood. I boarded 8’o clock train went directly to S5/25 without looking any of the beautiful girls sitting in that compartment with Layola t-shirts. I went to my seat and rested peacefully after the divider jumping police fight tragedy near central station.

Soon the train started to move, but all of a sudden a guy came to me and told where I am sitting is on his seat. I looked at ticket and verified my seat number and travel date is correct! But that guy showed his ticket which is also for the same seat. In my mind, I was laughing at those software engineers who programmed the Indian railway reservation system. I prayed let it be a hard bug to fix! And there comes the TTE and we ran to him telling same seat number for both ticket! After looking at my ticket TTE looked me like and Alien. Meanwhile the magical eyes of TTE has found something in the ticket which he have marked with a big blue circle! Holy shit! The train I booked was indeed the 5’o clock train and I landed in a big trouble by boarding in 8’o clock Managlore mail! Right that moment TTE asked me to exit the train and get in the general compartment! As I asked for help he gave me a chance and told me to pay 250Rs fine plus 280Rs ticket charge which will take me home. I checked my wallet to see that I only have 300Rs left and I starred at my last ATM transaction slip to see I have 40k balance in my account because it was just the start of the month! I told it to that bloody TTE and he threw ticket back on my face and told if I don’t give money before next station I have to get out of the train!

As my brain works better when situation goes bad I was never out of plans!!! I got a nice idea!!! I bet you can’t even make a guess on it. I made a plan in my mind to walk through the compartment to find an Adidas or Reebok tshirt and of my surprise in the next compartment there stands a guy with nice Rbk symbol on his left chest! I went to him, and following was the conversation:

Me: Hey, where you working?
Raj: HCL, what happened, do I know you?
Me: Ofcourse not, even though I hope you did!
Raj: Then?
Me: Yea, I was looking for someone who has a Reebok t-shirt
Raj[Surprised]: What?
Me: Hey, chill! I am not gonna ask for that t-shirt now. I need a different help!
Raj[Like to someone he knew for a long time]: Hey, how can I help you man?
Me: Yea, I will explain. Being frank after all the explanation I am going to ask you 200Rs which I am gonna transfer to you right now!
Raj[After all the story]: Hey, no need to transfer now buddy. Give it back when we meet next time.(And I gave it back during the return journey from Kerala 2 days later)

And after that we both went to the TTE paid the fine, his cousin was also in the train, talked for a long time, laughed till late night, and had a perfect sleep. Sometime you need to do stupid things :). For the first time in the life I understood the use of a branded t-shirt!

Me, Myself and I

Do you think I would ever dare to write about my feelings and stupid dreams here? I would rather make a new blog IHateStupidMemoriesAndSentiments.blogspot.com for that and bore you all by writing about my first perfect date that never happened, about my first crush that was at 3rd standard and what else from a bachelor like me who is still a virgin! But Still ;)... When Sandeep Unnimadhavan told me about filling some I's and posting it I took it positively and posted that here.

I am: happy for what I am and never try to change me.

I think: the life is a dream from heaven and it ends when you wake up there. So I dare to dream a lot.

I know: that the road that I travel is not always to the right place but I believe even the wrong road will eventually take me to right place.

I want: to have another life with no commitments so that I need not have to make people miss me when I am lost.

I have: some good habits along with 1000 bad habits which no one will ever realize.

I wish: if I could make so much money so that I can build home for each family in slums.

I hate: sentiments and even more the sentiments being shared.

I miss: my college days & my school days when I never had to think about the stupid rights and wrongs, the stupid dos and don’ts.

I fear: for the dark days of my life when the god will hate me, when the god will punish me, when my friends will blame me.

I feel: like walking in the rain by holding my sweetheart's hands firmly.

I hear: the whistling sound of bamboo on a gentle breezy day.

I smell: the soil right after the starting of rain on a hot and summer day.

I crave: to have my sweetheart close to me by distance. For being with her most of the time.

I search: for loneliness when I am too sad.

I wonder: why god made me a human rather than an eagle and made me down at earth with no wings.

I regret: myself for hurting people without my knowledge.

I love: something which I have never found and for which I am in search for.

I ache: for the ones who doesn't have home, for ones who doesn't have food.

I care: about all around me so that nothing goes wrong to them and especially my family.

I am not: a saint but just a count.

I believe: in god for what he has not given me.

I dance: in the pub after having booze.

I sing: when I walk in heavy rain so that no one hears and I can sing loud.

I cry: when I see kids - working in hotels, roaming in slums, starving because of no food

I don't always: smile even though you never saw me crying.

I fight: with no one except some fight for fun with my sweetheart.

I write: for my memories and for fun.

I win: when no one loses.

I lose: when nothing goes right.

I never: pray for my good.

I always: tries real hard.

I confuse: between the prepositions in grammar.

I listen: to summer of 69 when I feel I am growing too fast.

I can usually be found: laughing for no reason.

I am scared: about hearing truths. Truths were always painful for me.

I need: to be careful when I do wrong things.

I am happy about: the lies I told to make people happy.

Yea, Ants eats Strepsils

I am sure you all know Strepsils kills the goddamn animals in the throat and clears the throat pain. Those people have a very funny design of their tablets by putting 2 tablets to each strip. You open one strip, eat the first one, keep the second one, and eat it later. Yea, it’s a good productive idea to save the earth out of plastic.

Last Thursday morning I thought why I should eat this tablet only when I have a severe throat pain, I will have it now and then so that even if some small infection comes in the throat let it go before it pains. So Thursday morning I had one Strepsil before leaving to office and kept the one back at home. And I was travelling on that Thursday to home sweet home. After enjoying Friday, Saturday and Sunday at home I made it back to Chennai and reached home at Chennai by morning 9:45.

Being a hygienic man I started to wash myself up after brushing. So I took a long shower by thinking about the chicken and fishes dead for me to eat last weekend at home. Mamma always used to tell me that I must towel my hair properly so that I don’t get fever and I always takes my mamma’s words. After cleaning the water from body and dressing up I felt like there is some trouble at the back and something is itching. I went and took darmi cool to paint my back with white powder. When I was doing that I felt there is something attacking confidential locations and suddenly all over the body started itching. I took the shirt off to see what is happening and got frightened by seeing the number of Ants on my body.

I looked the towel I used and understood it was occupied with full of ants. I ran back to the bathroom and stood in the shower again for long time without thinking anything other than how to kill all the ants at my hair and body. After killing everything intelligently I went back to the room to see what went wrong, and found those Ants came to eat the strepsils. I couldn’t breathe seeing that!

After eating the toxic Strepsils also ants are not dying. Or else I even doubt those ants might have just had strepsils and it would die so soon. Anyway be sure on one thing. Don’t keep the strepsils cover open because bloody ants don’t die quick. And if you keep the strepsils open be sure you don’t keep it close to your towel. Ants can really screw you up. The only way to rake revenge is by finding and killing each ant on your body, again be careful to kill carefully not to screw yourself up again. Yea, it is an ecstasy killing an ant that bit you! I am a non vegetarian!!!

Posting a letter - No big deal!!!

Even though it would look weird it’s true that I have never posted a letter for last 6 years. To save paper and nature I always prefer e-mail to a paper mail. A week ago I had to post an application form over speed post from Chennai to Jaipur. Yea, it was indeed a herculean task to post a letter from a post office. Without much more boring pre-conditions I am getting into the blunder I have done.

I filled up the application form, attached necessary certificates, took the demand draft(it is another story) and done all necessary things to get the application accepted and set the heading to Thiruvanmiyoor post office. I could somehow manage to find the post office and I rushed in to post the letter and the time was 3:50PM. I could see a board “Speed post” written in white color on a blue background. I told them I want to post an application form to Jaipur and they asked me to weigh the material first. So I went to the weighing counter and gave the application form to see the lady at that counter looking me like an alien. I knew I never comb my hair properly and I look somewhat weird but still I look like a brave man ;)!!! The lady stood and gave the application form to me and told “Go, put it in a cover before you post” and I got frozen. SHIT, I didn’t even put all the papers in a cover!!! I located a nearby stationary shop, bought a big cover and put all those papers into it and made glue effect all over. I headed back to post office and got the cover weighed. After weighing I gave it to the speed post counter and now this lady is looking me like an Alien. Shit man!!! What is wrong this time? I asked myself to find no answers. That lady gave back the cover and asked me for the address to make myself clear that I haven’t written the address!!! God, how can you do this to me?

It was really painful to realize I have got myself screwed up by putting all papers including the one with address in the cover that I already glued. Now the only go is to get address from website and I called one of my friends to get it. I wrote the whole address without making a single mistake and rushed to the speed post counter to myself realize the time is 4:35 and they stop the speed post at 4. But I don’t know why (may be because she know I am actually a clever man) that lady helped me by posting the letter after the working time of the counter. After all the sweating I rescued myself from all the horrible post office work and prayed – “God no more post office drama please”.

Yea, I know Hindustan Latex. And I will never forget!!!

In my past life I have never seen any of the products from Hindustan Latex. But the company Hindustan Latex is unforgettable for me in my life span. Yea, this too is a moment of blunder. My previous office was located at Trivandrum; the capital city of Kerala; Kerala a state in India. I am not dragging you to more geography, but I can’t forget to tell you this incident happened at Bangalore. I was there at Bangalore for some goddamn reason that you don’t even care.

I am telling those stupid moments without more introductions. I was there at Bangalore on a sunny Friday of April 31st. I just board in a bus and sat at a perfect seat near to the window hoping some hot chick will come and sit to my left. All of a sudden a man came and sat with me and I doubted is that stupid a gay. Almost all seats are free and why did he come and sat with me. Even I thought of changing the seat but my good manners didn’t allow me to do so. With all the burned hopes I looked out of the window to see beautiful city.

Oops!!! All of a sudden the guy started talking to me and I thought why can’t he see my pink nose with full of anger to him. Again my manners made me talk to him as softly as I could and he asked me where I am working. I never lies when it is useless and I told him Trivandrum; the capital city of Kerala; Kerala a state in India – Is the place where I am working. Then for a formality I just asked him where is he working and I got the name of Hell, Trivandrum. The discussion continued and he told me he is working at Hindustan Latex and I felt like I familiar name. My prejudice never let me tell “I don’t know that company” and I replied, Yea, I know Hindustan Latex well. Then he told they sell a lot of their product at Technopark(location of my office those days). And I replied with all ease; “Yea obviously you are right, we gusz buys all the good branded stuff and I am sure your brand value would be great at Technopark”. My pride always made me talk as if I am an expert in statistics and I always knew the market. I added, “Some of my friends were telling your brand is worth for the money you take” since I hardly know a business man who would oppose that statement. I got flattered by thinking about my talking style and how easily I am dealing with something which I am not even heard of.

Luckily before more questions being asked about the review of their product my destination arrived and I just left the bus. But I was really curios to know what product have lots of sales at Technopark and I hardly know. It didn’t take so long to reach my friend’s home and I wanted to check my mail. Straight away I googled Hindustan Latex and I was shocked. My Gosh, they makes condom!!! I could hardly breathe of thinking what foolishness I have done with all my great creative passionate brain.

Walking with a bicycle!!!

The necessity of walking with a bicycle arrives with the carelessness in keeping a key safe. To make the idea simpler I would rephrase it like; when you lose the key you might have to carry the bicycle home at hand. One day in front of Akhiabara station I kept my bicycle and went to office by train. It was a Friday and as usual I put my hands to the jean pocket to take out the key in a very casual manner. And I could find only my towel and purse inside jeans pockets. It’s a Friday eve and I want to go for a party to drink orange juice, pineapple juice, grape juice etc. So I just put that bicycle at the station and walked to apartment.

The next day morning was at afternoon since I woke up at 1pm. Oh my god I have a goddamn headache because of over juice consumption but I know the trick is to bath. I took bath 3 times and the headache was still on. It is Saturday and I have to go for shopping. When I thought of going for shopping the first thing flashed through the mind was the bicycle at station. There is no way to do shopping without that bicycle. So I masterminded a plan with all the kind of brainstorming to bring bicycle back home. It was a great plan and I myself thought how ideological I am. The idea was simple. I will go to the station lift the bicycle’s back tires and walk with the front tire kissing the road. Then I can easily cut of break the lock and ride it again.

So I put my jean and t-shirt on and rushed to the station. I spotted the bicycle and made sure it is mine. Everything was fine as planned except a kind of change happened in the destination. Instead of apartment I am at police station now. And I did not worry because I know I am a brave man and I should not get worried with such simple matters. I explained everything to them and they looked my like an Alien. Yea, they might have thought which language I was speaking. They called for translator and got things done. She was a beautiful chick and I wanted her to translate more and more and I made a long speech. After everything was explained they understood how innocent I am and they asked me for some contacts from my office. To make them feel I am a big shot I just gave them my president’s card. So they called him up and talked and I thought what a great negotiator my president is. He made me leave in 2 minutes. Now they are telling me they will drop me home and I am a lazy guy to walk and accepted that offer open-heartedly. After 10 minutes I got a call from our president and I asked him what kind of a magic he did. He told them I am an Indian and it is normal to happen. The biggest funny part is yet to follow. President asked me did I tell a big thank you to them or I just walked off. He wanted to have good relations with them because he is sure Indians will again make problems and it should be easy for him to take us out. I felt it so bad because I didn’t tell even a thank you.

So I made a good decision that I am going to the police station and telling those guys a thank you. So I just walked back to the station and time was nearly 7:30. I just walked in to see there was no one whom I knew and I understood the shift have changed. I never though I walked into trouble again. They started questioning me and they needed a translator again. It was a man this time to translate and all my hopes got burned. But I explained everything to him and he done his job. It was a goddamn laughing sound inside the station and I thought what did go that funny? Even now I think what did go wrong to make such laugh?

My first flight

I remember those young days when I was at my mother’s village where we looked eagerly at flights at the blue sky. I never imagined I would be flying one day. Those were really the best days of my life. Oh. I tried to drag you to some nostalgic moments; really that is not my intention. My first flight in the lifetime was from Trivandrum to Singapore. We three of our friends were traveling to Japan and the connection flight is from Singapore. One of us was a frequent flyer and other one was relatively new and it was my first time even though I tried to make it look like I am a frequent flyer . The first thing happened was we never knew there will be a bus at the airport which takes you to the flight! On the bus it was clearly written Air India I remember. By seeing this if a first time flyer get confused how this thing is going to fly may look weird and poor joke for you. But that is life and people make blunders. The other guy with us was holding the front seat tight and hoping to fly soon at the bus. Since I was so clever to understand a bus is a bus I escaped from such a blunder. Now they took us to the flight and we got seated. Suddenly a hot chick came and told us the seat is near to emergency exit and she started explaining the emergency exit procedure. Oh my god! I never thought of flight crash before that at all. After that I never forget the possibility of a crash too. I understood there will be a life vest under the seat and I can use it at water. I thought a lot of time to understand the use of life vest that would float us at water when we are flying. I always needed a parachute and it is life vest there!!! So the flight is about to take off now and I was barely tensed. I thought in mind when something goes wrong I have to break the emergency exit glass and pull the knob so that something would happen to that place and I can jump out. But still I thought what I would do with that life vest which is not a parachute. Now the takeoff procedure started and the lights were turned off and really I felt happy. I was keeping a smile at my face during all these tension so that no one understands I am flying first time. It started takeof and the speed of the flight at takeoff made some kind of burning feeling at my stomach but I won’t move because I am sure I should look like an expert. The take off procedure is over and the captain was telling some altitude and I could see everybody was removing their seat belt. I also started removing my seatbelts now. The senior guy with us told me if you remove it the flight will be falling in gutters soon and they will ask it to put it again. I laughed and told him I am clever enough so these kinds of jokes are not going to work out. Gutters at air; Nonsense; trying to fool me uh? Now that air hostess came and offered some drink. Even though it was enough chill inside I sweat a lot and the drinks came at an ideal time. I started drinking coke and suddenly there was something happening to the flight and it seemed like it was jerking out. I thought it was all over and I will need to break the glass of the emergency exit button and push it. But luckily I didn’t do it. I was panicked enough to grab on the front seat and I don’t know what all I did but for sure my shirt got wet with coke all over. All of a sudden an announcement came asking to wear seatbelt because of the so called phenomena named turbulence. The guy with me was looking at me and smiling and I clearly knew he was making fun on me because I was clever enough to believe there is nothing like an air gutter. I even thought how government made gutters at air like they makes at roads. Then it went on smooth. I was getting adjusted to the situation. Now I understood I have had too much of coke and I really can’t wait to pee. I thought of going and the turbulence was again severe. So the air hostess told me to wait at the seat. I thought I would even pee at the seats. It was all funny and I told her “I really want to pee”. It was amazing to see she bought some peanuts to me and I wonder is it to make me thirsty or she thought I asked for peanuts. After some time the flight got stable and I ran to the toilet. It really took long time to unload the whole bladder and I searched for the flush button. Yea, I found that and pressed. Oh my god suddenly a sound came and I screamed like anything I thought the flight was getting broken and I don’t even have a life vest. I have to run all the way to my seat to get it. All of a sudden the sound was stopped and I could see it came while flushing. I really thought I done something wrong at the toilet and I just went back to seat and sat like nothing happened. I was really waiting for someone to catch me for the crime I done at toilet but nothing happened!!! But I was a real expert in flying now and I really had no worries flying from Singapore to Japan. I am really brave about flying now. I can fly anywhere and even I am brave enough to fly in a fighter flight.

A toilet which I would never forget

Did you ever have a memorable toilet? But it is for sure I will never forget one I used at Japan. Japanese are very advanced!!! Those guys have made even their toilets electronic. Being an Indian who goes to a developed nation like Japan it is all about differences. Even the toilets are complicated. Before I explain the matter can you guess how a toilet can be this memorable? I already mentioned the toilets at Japan are too electronic. There is a control panel which contains nearly 15-20 buttons which is having only Japanese symbols on it(You cant find a single English word to understand). You can heat your sitting pad; you have a button to flush the toilet, a button to spray water to wash your ass etc. So the first time when I was about to take the risk on using that toilet I thought of getting some help to understand those buttons. So I called one of my friends and asked him to explain those buttons. He explained some of the important buttons like. This button is to flush it. This button is to spray water. This is a knob that adjusts the spray speed etc. Then I felt it was perfect time for me to use it. I just kicked him out of the toilet and went on to use it. Being at -3 degree Celsius temperature outside it is heaven good to sit on a heated sitting pad. So I sat for some time and even I thought I might have taken a newspaper with me to spend some time there. But I have to get back to work soon. I have calls to answer. So I thought to leave. Now I thought about the buttons explained by my friend. I just dragged the tray outside and I could recall the button to spray water to wash it. I just pressed it and hot water started getting sprayed. Water with a light temperature is getting sprayed from under. It is awesome. I was enjoying it for sometime. Now I want to stop it. Oh my god I searched for the button to stop all over. Yea, I can tell you I didn’t panic. I am a brave man. I checked each button on that control panel except one. I left one button because I was clever. There was a button with red symbol on it which makes it look similar to a fire alarm button. I know Japanese people cares about safety everywhere and they will definitely have one even at the toilet. Now I really started to get panic even though I am a real brave and clever man. My jean is hanging on the hanger and it is out of reach from the seat. I don’t know what height the water is going to get sprayed if I try to stand and take the mobile from jean pocket to call friend to ask for help. So that option was ruled out. All of a sudden the warm water in the heater is over I guess (yea I can’t blame them for making small tank because no one will use it for that long) and suddenly chill water sprayed and I jumped off from the sitting pad like I had an electric shock. But suddenly the water spray got stopped. And I was happy like anything. Japanese people are really clever or may be I am not clever at all. They have made it in a way that it stops when the user takes off from the sitting pad. Oh my god it was like heaven for me. Alas I have made it stop. It was more like eureka. I have invented something!!! After that I just went to my friend and kicked him for not explaining this stuff to me. And he just took me back to the toilet and told there is a button to stop the water spray even. You don’t need to jump so. And he just pressed a button. Oh my god! It was that red button which I left intentionally because of alarm worries. After this I understood at least one thing. Never underestimate Japanese people!!! They are awesome brilliant except in English.