Thursday, April 17, 2008

Yea, I know Hindustan Latex. And I will never forget!!!

In my past life I have never seen any of the products from Hindustan Latex. But the company Hindustan Latex is unforgettable for me in my life span. Yea, this too is a moment of blunder. My previous office was located at Trivandrum; the capital city of Kerala; Kerala a state in India. I am not dragging you to more geography, but I can’t forget to tell you this incident happened at Bangalore. I was there at Bangalore for some goddamn reason that you don’t even care.

I am telling those stupid moments without more introductions. I was there at Bangalore on a sunny Friday of April 31st. I just board in a bus and sat at a perfect seat near to the window hoping some hot chick will come and sit to my left. All of a sudden a man came and sat with me and I doubted is that stupid a gay. Almost all seats are free and why did he come and sat with me. Even I thought of changing the seat but my good manners didn’t allow me to do so. With all the burned hopes I looked out of the window to see beautiful city.

Oops!!! All of a sudden the guy started talking to me and I thought why can’t he see my pink nose with full of anger to him. Again my manners made me talk to him as softly as I could and he asked me where I am working. I never lies when it is useless and I told him Trivandrum; the capital city of Kerala; Kerala a state in India – Is the place where I am working. Then for a formality I just asked him where is he working and I got the name of Hell, Trivandrum. The discussion continued and he told me he is working at Hindustan Latex and I felt like I familiar name. My prejudice never let me tell “I don’t know that company” and I replied, Yea, I know Hindustan Latex well. Then he told they sell a lot of their product at Technopark(location of my office those days). And I replied with all ease; “Yea obviously you are right, we gusz buys all the good branded stuff and I am sure your brand value would be great at Technopark”. My pride always made me talk as if I am an expert in statistics and I always knew the market. I added, “Some of my friends were telling your brand is worth for the money you take” since I hardly know a business man who would oppose that statement. I got flattered by thinking about my talking style and how easily I am dealing with something which I am not even heard of.

Luckily before more questions being asked about the review of their product my destination arrived and I just left the bus. But I was really curios to know what product have lots of sales at Technopark and I hardly know. It didn’t take so long to reach my friend’s home and I wanted to check my mail. Straight away I googled Hindustan Latex and I was shocked. My Gosh, they makes condom!!! I could hardly breathe of thinking what foolishness I have done with all my great creative passionate brain.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Walking with a bicycle!!!

The necessity of walking with a bicycle arrives with the carelessness in keeping a key safe. To make the idea simpler I would rephrase it like; when you lose the key you might have to carry the bicycle home at hand. One day in front of Akhiabara station I kept my bicycle and went to office by train. It was a Friday and as usual I put my hands to the jean pocket to take out the key in a very casual manner. And I could find only my towel and purse inside jeans pockets. It’s a Friday eve and I want to go for a party to drink orange juice, pineapple juice, grape juice etc. So I just put that bicycle at the station and walked to apartment.

The next day morning was at afternoon since I woke up at 1pm. Oh my god I have a goddamn headache because of over juice consumption but I know the trick is to bath. I took bath 3 times and the headache was still on. It is Saturday and I have to go for shopping. When I thought of going for shopping the first thing flashed through the mind was the bicycle at station. There is no way to do shopping without that bicycle. So I masterminded a plan with all the kind of brainstorming to bring bicycle back home. It was a great plan and I myself thought how ideological I am. The idea was simple. I will go to the station lift the bicycle’s back tires and walk with the front tire kissing the road. Then I can easily cut of break the lock and ride it again.

So I put my jean and t-shirt on and rushed to the station. I spotted the bicycle and made sure it is mine. Everything was fine as planned except a kind of change happened in the destination. Instead of apartment I am at police station now. And I did not worry because I know I am a brave man and I should not get worried with such simple matters. I explained everything to them and they looked my like an Alien. Yea, they might have thought which language I was speaking. They called for translator and got things done. She was a beautiful chick and I wanted her to translate more and more and I made a long speech. After everything was explained they understood how innocent I am and they asked me for some contacts from my office. To make them feel I am a big shot I just gave them my president’s card. So they called him up and talked and I thought what a great negotiator my president is. He made me leave in 2 minutes. Now they are telling me they will drop me home and I am a lazy guy to walk and accepted that offer open-heartedly. After 10 minutes I got a call from our president and I asked him what kind of a magic he did. He told them I am an Indian and it is normal to happen. The biggest funny part is yet to follow. President asked me did I tell a big thank you to them or I just walked off. He wanted to have good relations with them because he is sure Indians will again make problems and it should be easy for him to take us out. I felt it so bad because I didn’t tell even a thank you.

So I made a good decision that I am going to the police station and telling those guys a thank you. So I just walked back to the station and time was nearly 7:30. I just walked in to see there was no one whom I knew and I understood the shift have changed. I never though I walked into trouble again. They started questioning me and they needed a translator again. It was a man this time to translate and all my hopes got burned. But I explained everything to him and he done his job. It was a goddamn laughing sound inside the station and I thought what did go that funny? Even now I think what did go wrong to make such laugh?

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

My first flight

I remember those young days when I was at my mother’s village where we looked eagerly at flights at the blue sky. I never imagined I would be flying one day. Those were really the best days of my life. Oh. I tried to drag you to some nostalgic moments; really that is not my intention. My first flight in the lifetime was from Trivandrum to Singapore. We three of our friends were traveling to Japan and the connection flight is from Singapore. One of us was a frequent flyer and other one was relatively new and it was my first time even though I tried to make it look like I am a frequent flyer . The first thing happened was we never knew there will be a bus at the airport which takes you to the flight! On the bus it was clearly written Air India I remember. By seeing this if a first time flyer get confused how this thing is going to fly may look weird and poor joke for you. But that is life and people make blunders. The other guy with us was holding the front seat tight and hoping to fly soon at the bus. Since I was so clever to understand a bus is a bus I escaped from such a blunder. Now they took us to the flight and we got seated. Suddenly a hot chick came and told us the seat is near to emergency exit and she started explaining the emergency exit procedure. Oh my god! I never thought of flight crash before that at all. After that I never forget the possibility of a crash too. I understood there will be a life vest under the seat and I can use it at water. I thought a lot of time to understand the use of life vest that would float us at water when we are flying. I always needed a parachute and it is life vest there!!! So the flight is about to take off now and I was barely tensed. I thought in mind when something goes wrong I have to break the emergency exit glass and pull the knob so that something would happen to that place and I can jump out. But still I thought what I would do with that life vest which is not a parachute. Now the takeoff procedure started and the lights were turned off and really I felt happy. I was keeping a smile at my face during all these tension so that no one understands I am flying first time. It started takeof and the speed of the flight at takeoff made some kind of burning feeling at my stomach but I won’t move because I am sure I should look like an expert. The take off procedure is over and the captain was telling some altitude and I could see everybody was removing their seat belt. I also started removing my seatbelts now. The senior guy with us told me if you remove it the flight will be falling in gutters soon and they will ask it to put it again. I laughed and told him I am clever enough so these kinds of jokes are not going to work out. Gutters at air; Nonsense; trying to fool me uh? Now that air hostess came and offered some drink. Even though it was enough chill inside I sweat a lot and the drinks came at an ideal time. I started drinking coke and suddenly there was something happening to the flight and it seemed like it was jerking out. I thought it was all over and I will need to break the glass of the emergency exit button and push it. But luckily I didn’t do it. I was panicked enough to grab on the front seat and I don’t know what all I did but for sure my shirt got wet with coke all over. All of a sudden an announcement came asking to wear seatbelt because of the so called phenomena named turbulence. The guy with me was looking at me and smiling and I clearly knew he was making fun on me because I was clever enough to believe there is nothing like an air gutter. I even thought how government made gutters at air like they makes at roads. Then it went on smooth. I was getting adjusted to the situation. Now I understood I have had too much of coke and I really can’t wait to pee. I thought of going and the turbulence was again severe. So the air hostess told me to wait at the seat. I thought I would even pee at the seats. It was all funny and I told her “I really want to pee”. It was amazing to see she bought some peanuts to me and I wonder is it to make me thirsty or she thought I asked for peanuts. After some time the flight got stable and I ran to the toilet. It really took long time to unload the whole bladder and I searched for the flush button. Yea, I found that and pressed. Oh my god suddenly a sound came and I screamed like anything I thought the flight was getting broken and I don’t even have a life vest. I have to run all the way to my seat to get it. All of a sudden the sound was stopped and I could see it came while flushing. I really thought I done something wrong at the toilet and I just went back to seat and sat like nothing happened. I was really waiting for someone to catch me for the crime I done at toilet but nothing happened!!! But I was a real expert in flying now and I really had no worries flying from Singapore to Japan. I am really brave about flying now. I can fly anywhere and even I am brave enough to fly in a fighter flight.

Monday, April 7, 2008

A toilet which I would never forget

Did you ever have a memorable toilet? But it is for sure I will never forget one I used at Japan. Japanese are very advanced!!! Those guys have made even their toilets electronic. Being an Indian who goes to a developed nation like Japan it is all about differences. Even the toilets are complicated. Before I explain the matter can you guess how a toilet can be this memorable? I already mentioned the toilets at Japan are too electronic. There is a control panel which contains nearly 15-20 buttons which is having only Japanese symbols on it(You cant find a single English word to understand). You can heat your sitting pad; you have a button to flush the toilet, a button to spray water to wash your ass etc. So the first time when I was about to take the risk on using that toilet I thought of getting some help to understand those buttons. So I called one of my friends and asked him to explain those buttons. He explained some of the important buttons like. This button is to flush it. This button is to spray water. This is a knob that adjusts the spray speed etc. Then I felt it was perfect time for me to use it. I just kicked him out of the toilet and went on to use it. Being at -3 degree Celsius temperature outside it is heaven good to sit on a heated sitting pad. So I sat for some time and even I thought I might have taken a newspaper with me to spend some time there. But I have to get back to work soon. I have calls to answer. So I thought to leave. Now I thought about the buttons explained by my friend. I just dragged the tray outside and I could recall the button to spray water to wash it. I just pressed it and hot water started getting sprayed. Water with a light temperature is getting sprayed from under. It is awesome. I was enjoying it for sometime. Now I want to stop it. Oh my god I searched for the button to stop all over. Yea, I can tell you I didn’t panic. I am a brave man. I checked each button on that control panel except one. I left one button because I was clever. There was a button with red symbol on it which makes it look similar to a fire alarm button. I know Japanese people cares about safety everywhere and they will definitely have one even at the toilet. Now I really started to get panic even though I am a real brave and clever man. My jean is hanging on the hanger and it is out of reach from the seat. I don’t know what height the water is going to get sprayed if I try to stand and take the mobile from jean pocket to call friend to ask for help. So that option was ruled out. All of a sudden the warm water in the heater is over I guess (yea I can’t blame them for making small tank because no one will use it for that long) and suddenly chill water sprayed and I jumped off from the sitting pad like I had an electric shock. But suddenly the water spray got stopped. And I was happy like anything. Japanese people are really clever or may be I am not clever at all. They have made it in a way that it stops when the user takes off from the sitting pad. Oh my god it was like heaven for me. Alas I have made it stop. It was more like eureka. I have invented something!!! After that I just went to my friend and kicked him for not explaining this stuff to me. And he just took me back to the toilet and told there is a button to stop the water spray even. You don’t need to jump so. And he just pressed a button. Oh my god! It was that red button which I left intentionally because of alarm worries. After this I understood at least one thing. Never underestimate Japanese people!!! They are awesome brilliant except in English.